Bully: Make people think that life is all about in the hell..

Hi, there..

-The topic given seems like very serious right??

-Ya, according to several researches, the victims of bully are suffering almost 24 hours in their daily lives..

-How can it happen??

-What complicates matters is that the victims may not be aware or acknowledge to themselves that they very often suffer from one or more of the following:

• Low self-confidence - the victims of bully may reduce the self-confidence of themselves since there are another person, or group that dominating them. Their freedom are stucked by the bullies. The bullied one seems like very coward. Their apperance are not gentle at all. This situation may cause the low self-confidence.

• Low self-esteem - Basically, self-esteem refers to the value of respect you award to yourself. This is also about feelings and opinions on how you will evaluate yourself in the world. The victims of bully may feel that they are not being cherished and respected by anyone. This situation will reduce the level of their self-esteem.

•  Fell insecure - The victims may feel that their lives is in danger at all. They life in fear. Really, the bullied one will suffer from this problem. Their will pull away themselves from the society. This will leads into a introvert personality. The victims will afraid to go anywhere and to do something outside of their home. The worst thing can be happened when the victims refuse to go out from their home, including refuse to go to the school and will be expelled from the school.

• Health problems - The bullies will do anything to their targets or their victims. This will make the victims suffer from too many effects. One of the effects is health problems. The victim may have the sleep disorder, eat disorder, depression and apathy. These sorts of problems will make the health of someone disturbed and may leads toward the worst problem - heart attack.

-It's too scary right?

-However, thats the truth.

-Since that, we need to protect ourselves to prevent it from happening to us.

-Remember that, prevention is better than cure.

Posted By: Nurul Shafini Binti Shafurdin.

Bullying: A personal perspective

This blog post will be different than others. This blog post is neither academical nor objective.

This post will be personal.

Previously, all of our blog posts includes factoids about bullying: causes, consequences, statistics. They did not delve deep inside the mind of a bully victim. They did not tell their story. Until now, it will. My story. As a former bully victim.

Tell us something about yourself

I am a Selangorean, born and bred. Fifth son of six children. The quiet one. The one who did not have anybody else to play with, always living in his own world. The naive, straight and occasionally stupid. The easy target.

Since when did the bullying started?

Probably since I was in the kindergarten. Let's see how much I can remember. Picked on by bigger kids for wearing differently than them. Being the generally quiet one, rarely joining anybody during playtime. Also apparently the handwriting teacher has a right to pick on you just because you wrote using your left hand all the time. The fact that 8%-15% of the population are lefty seems to be foreign to her.

This continued to primary school. I cannot remember much, but I remembered that I was bullied just because of a tiny mole to the right of my nose (try to squint when you look at the above picture). Of course that is just an excuse the other kids made when they bullied me. The real reason was because I was, back then, an easy target. I was the weaker one, the one that was outside of the social circle.

I should mention here that there was no physical bullying at all, despite my skinny, scrawny physique. I was verbally harassed and socially ostracized. Yet these hurts far deeper than any punches or kicks. For a social creature like a human, nothing is worse than being alone.

How are you during these times?

As mentioned before, I was a weakling; naive, straight, stupid, introverted, neurotic. I dreaded every moment I was in school. Even a child can experience depression. I suffered chronic loneliness, always feeling helpless and not wanting to live another day any more to suffer through the same harassment from these people I called 'friends'.

Academically, there was not much effects. I scored pretty high on all subjects. However, remember that this was just primary school, and my results were compared to students of...lower standards.

So what did you do?

I did nothing. Education is compulsory, so I still went to school everyday. There are periods where I intentionally skipped schooldays, but these are few and far between, and thus inconsequential. Being insecure, I did not do anything about being bullied. Just followed what they demanded, it will go away soon. What's the worse that can happen?

I did not seek help at all. I honestly cannot remember having someone I can call a best friend during this time. Not much friends to begin with, anyway. Always the lonely one in the class. The teachers suspect nothing, nor do I told them anything. Family? I did not know why I did not just told them about it. Asian stoic culture? Not wanting to make a big fuss? Thinking it was just a small problem? Even to this day I still do not know why.

How much does these affect you as a person?

 I became insecure. Such events can never be good for a child's psyche. I started to think that the whole world was against me, always finding ways to take advantage of this weak-willed kid. It did not help that this kid did not have the perfect family growing up either, but that is another unrelated story.

Now here's a funny thing about being a bully victim: you are more likely to become a bully yourself, which was what happened to me. I was a worst bully, too. Occasionally I just punched some kids younger than me, without any reason at all. I guess the psychologists were right, after all.

So what happened afterwards?

I think it started at the end of my primary education, which would be Standard Six. I finished my primary education with flying colors - 5A's for my UPSR. I did not know how I somehow gained some confidence, but the point is, I did. I entered secondary school with a new zeal for life. I started to socialize, making friends and generally being a better person.

There were still traces of my past experiences. I am still a neurotic and introverted, although I have grown by leaps and bounds in that aspect. I started to trust others, as others started to trust me. I have pretty much put all of those away, seeing it as a valuable life lesson. My life, at that point, can only get better, and it does.

Do you have any advice for a bully victim?

First of all, no matter what you may think, you are not alone. There are always someone who are ready to lend an ear or two. Do not be afraid to reach them. Do not make the same mistake as I did.

Secondly, do not be afraid. Those kids that picked on you? They were only compensating for their own insecurities. They need to feel a sense of power, and they show it by being dominating. By dominating you. Do not give in to what they wanted, because that will only encourage them to continue what they are doing.

Finally, I can tell you the most important thing: it gets better. No matter what you have been through, you are much stronger than you thought. Things that you are currently going through are what makes you stronger for the future. Do not be overcome by all the hardships that befalls you. Seek help and guidance, you need all the help you can get.

Trust me.

MUHAMMAD NURUDDIN BIN WAN MOHD GHAZALLI   A132131

What students think about bully??

Hi, there,.

Bullying is not cool, right??

Since that, let's we survey what students think about bully,.

Check it out!!

NAME : NOORHAZWANI BINTI DAUD                                            ( SECRETARY, SECRETARIAT OF STUDENTS GUIDANCE, UKM)

FACULTY : SOCIAL SCIENCES AND HUMANITIES

• It's an uncivilized and unethical action.
• Bullying can restrict the human rights for freedom.
• It's should not happen simply because it's threatening ang dangerous to others.
• It's also a negative action. Nobody should avoids his or herself since we are gifted with a brain, which can be used to compare between the bad deeds and the good one.
• Everybody must alert to this issues. The most important thing is protect yourself from being bullied.

NAME : NURUL QOLBI BINTI MOHD NGALIM

(STUDENT FROM DEPARTMENT OF ARABIC STUDIES & ISLAMIC CIVILAZATIONS)

FACULTY : ISLAMIC STUDIES, UKM

·         it is not good and not healthy for the community

·         it is can occur in the public and hidden spaces

·         it also can create a social gap gradually between the victims (one who’s been bullied) and predators (bullies).

NAME : SHAHRUL SHAFIQUE

POSITION : SECOND YEARS STUDENT OF POLICE VOLUNTEERS, UKM

• Bully can be define as a bad activity.
• It's can cause fear and trauma till the victim of bully can't trust his or herself. It's reducing the self-esteem of the bullied one.
• Everybody should be a brave person and against the bullies.

NAME : KHAIRUL HIDAYAT BIN TASLIM

(STUDENT, DEPARTMENT OF THE ORIGIN OF RELIGIONS AND PHILOSOPHIES)

FACULTY : ISLAMIC STUDIES.

• It's became a trend in a hostel's life.
• It's also became a 'nightmare' for the new-intake students since bully is too synonym with the boarding school.
• Usually, the seniors play their roles as the bullies.
• Motive of the bullies are nothing. They just want the juniors respecting them in the negative sort of lesson.
• In some cases, it's become worst when it's became a sexual abuse.
• However, bullying can be a positive action, and sometimes, it's a necessary, (e.g: military communities)
• In this cases, bulliying is needed to build the physically and mentally endurances.
• No matter what, bullying should be eliminated in order to create a better life.

HOW ABOUT YOU??

HOW DO YOU DEFINE ABOUT BULLYING??

THE ANSWER IS UP TO YOU..

Reported By: Nurul Shafini Binti Shafurdin.

Nitpicking = bullying?

So you just finished a 300-words essay. You checked and double-checked for any errors and your references are sound. You showed it to someone or made it public. In an instant, there will be something like this:

This writer may or may not made up this picture for example purpose.

Of course, that is to be expected. With the anonymity of the Internet, people are free to voice their 'opinion', sometimes for their own amusement. You, as the writer, should just ignore them. However, there are also comments like this:

via Cracked.com. This writer did not wrote this.

 That's from a scientific article. The writer has spent dozens, if not hundreds, of hours of fact-checking and editing to come up with a solid, readable article, yet at least one person will come up and comment on every single thing that the writer got it wrong, just to feel all 'high-and-mighty' and to show he is smarter than the writer. That is nitpicking.

Not this one, silly. The OTHER nitpicking.

Nitpicking is defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary as "minute and usually unjustified criticism", as seen above. It is usually done by someone who may or may not be more academically educated than the writer, and it can make the writer feels stupid and insecure. Thus, nitpicking, in this context, is for intents and purposes, bullying.


Nitpicking, or sometimes also called educational bullying, is not confined totally to the abyss that is the Internet. Take the example of a student who laboriously made a paperwork, all by himself, and pass it up to his lecturer. The lecturer, being a lecturer, proceeds to point out every single mistakes the student made, reducing the student to tears. The student feels bullied.


Take note that it is not the lecturer's intention at all to make the student feels that way. He is, first and foremost, doing his job to criticise and point out the mistakes of his students. Yet, being a form of non-malign bullying, he unintentionally bullied the student. The student was defenseless; desperation overtook him, leading to tears.


This writer does not mean that nitpicking is totally bad, per se. Mistakes are mistakes, and it should be corrected. What this writer cannot agree about is it's method - the delivery, if you will. The lecturer only wanted to do his job, which is correcting his students. But how about those that intended to nitpick? Why do they do so?

According to psychologist Alfred Adler, it is due to superiority complex (Adler, 1938). Specifically, the nitpicker has the desire to show that he is superior to the writer in terms of knowledge, and he shows this by nitpicking. By doing so, he reinforce the belief that, "Hey, I just showed that your writings are full of holes and that makes you an idiot and I AM SO SMART LOOK AT ME".


So what can we do about it?


The best solution is: nothing.


The utmost desire of a nitpicker is attention. He derives it from the misery of the writer, just like a bully. By giving him what he wants, he will not stop and continue his nitpicking ways. So, even though he, like the one in the second picture, seems to be smarter than the I-insult-your-mother commenter in the first picture, they are the same, actually. Nothing.


By: MUHAMMAD NURUDDIN BIN WAN MOHD GHAZALLI A132131


References: Adler, A. (1964). Superiority and Social Interest: A Collection of Later Writings. H. L. Ansbacher and R. R. Ansbacher (Eds.). Evanston, IL: Northwestern University Press.

Bullying Preventing

Hi readers,. Good Evening to all of you,.

Did you know that everybody can prevent the bully behaviour individually??

Oh, ya,. Absolutely, we can!

But how??

Let's check it out..



Self-guide to prevent bullying:

1- Learning Friendship Skills

•Know how to choose a friend rightly.

•It’s so important since behavioral observation is a major cause of someone behavior, (Kassin, 1997)

2- Learning assertive skills

•Learn to speak and acting in a confident and forceful way.

•Try to improve self-confidence .

3- Exploring ways to deal with bullies

—Get some knowledge how to deal with any probabilities.

—Book an appointment with a counsellor.

4- Improve the anger management skills.

—Anger is a natural basic human emotion that is often used to express negative feeling.

—Learn how to cope with anger

—Learn how to be more patient.

—Learn how to deal with a stressful situation.

5- Protect yourself.

—Beware and concern about your secure.

—Follow a martial art class.

—Never be alone.

—Improve your social relation skill.

Who said we can't prevent bullying?? Love yourself,.

Together we prevent it!

posted by: Nurul Shafini Binti Shafurdin (Fini Pelangi)

Strategies to Stop Bullying

The power of peer intervention:

•  Bullying usually involves more than the bully and the victim – 85% of bullying episodes occur in the context of a peer group.
• Children helping other children is a powerful experience which can build self-esteem and resilience.
• Children dislike bullying in their schools and want to help stop it.
• Children and adolescents are not aware that they may feed the problem by not intervening.
• Peers need to be taught how to intervene.
• Teachers and parents are relatively unaware of bullying episodes – bullying is an underground activity, hidden from adults.
• Teaching children different and effective strategies to achieve social approval from their peers may reduce aggressive behaviour.
• A bully's triumph over the victim is the reward, and a lack of negative consequences may increase the likelihood of other children being aggressive.

Peer Intervention by Adolescents: Why it Works

• They are struggling with their own hurts.
• They are acting as primary supports for their peers.
• They are responsible for other children in their communities as baby-sitters, coaches and leaders of youth groups.
• They are making major life decisions about who they are and the quality of their relationships.
• They are capable of breaking the cycle of violence.
• They are preparing to become the parents of the next generation.

What can children and youth do now:

• Find your friends and make sure that none of you is either bully or victim. If you don't have a lot of friends, try joining a school club and become part of a group that way.
• Stop teasing or otherwise participating in bullying behaviour.
• Stand up for the child who may be different and find a new friend.
• Report bullying to an adult when you see it.
• Speak up to a teacher or other adult you trust if you are being bullied. Expect that adult to help you.
• Stay safe. Avoid isolated parts of the school.
• If you are being bullied, try to ignore it. The bully wants a reaction. If you don't react, the bully is more likely to lose interest.

What can adults do?

• Younger children, in kindergarten through Grade 4, look to adults for protection from bullying. By Grade 6, they think bullying cannot be stopped. By Grade 8, children are beginning to understand the personal dynamics of bullying and have a more sophisticated view of anti -social behaviour perceiving it as a symptom of a child's troubled environment.
• To influence children's behaviour it is important to develop understanding within the context of strategies children can use to solve the problem.

What works?

• The best intervention is one which addresses the social context in which bullying occurs – the culture of the school. It must be a collaborative effort of teachers, parents and students.
• The first step in such an effort is a school policy with clearly stated rules against bullying. Classroom discussions are also essential as they serve to sensitize children to the problem, help them to identify the consequences for bullying and in coming up with ways to help the victims. Also necessary is increased adult active supervision of playgrounds.
• Expose bullying – name it – provide a way for your children to understand what is happening when they witness or experience bullying.
• Raise awareness – reduce victim isolation and increase the likelihood of reporting.
• Speak in the language of young people.

To check out:
Bully B'Ware Productions
http://www.bullybeware.com/
Another web site to see: http://www.bullying.org/
Totally devoted to bully prevention, this website is out of British Columbia and takes a look at the impact of bullying as well as providing tips and strategies on how to deal with bullies.


Adapted from, "Bullying" in Addressing Barriers to Learning, (Vol. 6: #4), Fall, 2001. The Newsletter of UCLA’s Center for Mental Health in Schools. (http:smhp.psych.ucla.edu/news.htm).


POSTED BY : KONG CHEAH SHIEN

Bullying in media - reporting, or fear-mongering?

Somewhere, in a generic school, a generic student is being bullied by the generic school bullies. They throw their generic punches and the kid gives them his generic lunch money. His generic parents then throw a hissy fit and demand justice. It is your typical situation, happening in schools all over the world, all the time.

The next morning, the newspaper said something like "BULLIES ARE THE DEVIL AND THEY SHOULD BE BURNED". Of course, sales rose.

Sounds familiar?

Where's the line?

Obviously, the media have a responsibility to report the news. You cannot just ignore the case of bullying, after all. By shedding the light into the situation, it creates awareness and prompt actions from authorities, knee-jerk it may be, but actions nonetheless.

But there are differences between responsible reporting and exploiting the base emotions of people to sell your paper.

From BBC News

It's a very common media tactic: by painting the bullies as a 'menace', they basically do the thinking for the readers. It panders to the base human instinct to label the society around them as a world of 'us' vs. 'them'.

While we can never deny that bullying is bad, how the media shows it seems that it will be the end of the society as we know it. Always shine the light on the surface of the problem, ignoring the inner body nor the shadow it cast.

Rights of victims

It is even worse when, in a bid to sensationalise the story, the media impinge on the victim's right to privacy. Private affairs, for example the victim's sexual orientation, should be left alone. By doing this, the media reinforces the idea that the victim was being bullied for not being 'normal', planting fear into other children who would believe that they should not show their differences and diversities, but hide it because the paper suggests that "I'll get bullied if I do so".

From Daily Mail

This is not helping at all. Kids are getting increasingly afraid to seek help, fearing that they will be the next target. Family of the victim not only have to deal with the victim's being bullied, but also have to carry the burden of being associated with the victim's 'shortcomings'. Of course, the one who have it worse is the victim: forever branded with the 'curse' of being 'different'.

So what should the media do?

What the media should do is to report the news objectively: provide facts, and not viewing it through only one perspective. It is not always black and white. It should tell why such things can happen and what should be done, rather than just printing hot air.. No need to reveal the skeletons in the closet for all to see. It's bad enough that they are bullied physically.

BY MUHAMMAD NURUDDIN B. W. M. GHAZALLI

Source: 1. 2006. School bully complains 'rising'. (online) http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/5293008.stm (18 March 2011)
           2. 2010. Probe into suicide of 13-year-old boy bullied by classmates for being gay. (online) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1340769/Probe-suicide-13-year-old-boy-bullied-classmates-gay.html (18 March 2011)