Bully: Make people think that life is all about in the hell..

Hi, there..

-The topic given seems like very serious right??

-Ya, according to several researches, the victims of bully are suffering almost 24 hours in their daily lives..

-How can it happen??

-What complicates matters is that the victims may not be aware or acknowledge to themselves that they very often suffer from one or more of the following:

• Low self-confidence - the victims of bully may reduce the self-confidence of themselves since there are another person, or group that dominating them. Their freedom are stucked by the bullies. The bullied one seems like very coward. Their apperance are not gentle at all. This situation may cause the low self-confidence.

• Low self-esteem - Basically, self-esteem refers to the value of respect you award to yourself. This is also about feelings and opinions on how you will evaluate yourself in the world. The victims of bully may feel that they are not being cherished and respected by anyone. This situation will reduce the level of their self-esteem.

•  Fell insecure - The victims may feel that their lives is in danger at all. They life in fear. Really, the bullied one will suffer from this problem. Their will pull away themselves from the society. This will leads into a introvert personality. The victims will afraid to go anywhere and to do something outside of their home. The worst thing can be happened when the victims refuse to go out from their home, including refuse to go to the school and will be expelled from the school.

• Health problems - The bullies will do anything to their targets or their victims. This will make the victims suffer from too many effects. One of the effects is health problems. The victim may have the sleep disorder, eat disorder, depression and apathy. These sorts of problems will make the health of someone disturbed and may leads toward the worst problem - heart attack.

-It's too scary right?

-However, thats the truth.

-Since that, we need to protect ourselves to prevent it from happening to us.

-Remember that, prevention is better than cure.

Posted By: Nurul Shafini Binti Shafurdin.

Bullying: A personal perspective

This blog post will be different than others. This blog post is neither academical nor objective.

This post will be personal.

Previously, all of our blog posts includes factoids about bullying: causes, consequences, statistics. They did not delve deep inside the mind of a bully victim. They did not tell their story. Until now, it will. My story. As a former bully victim.

Tell us something about yourself

I am a Selangorean, born and bred. Fifth son of six children. The quiet one. The one who did not have anybody else to play with, always living in his own world. The naive, straight and occasionally stupid. The easy target.

Since when did the bullying started?

Probably since I was in the kindergarten. Let's see how much I can remember. Picked on by bigger kids for wearing differently than them. Being the generally quiet one, rarely joining anybody during playtime. Also apparently the handwriting teacher has a right to pick on you just because you wrote using your left hand all the time. The fact that 8%-15% of the population are lefty seems to be foreign to her.

This continued to primary school. I cannot remember much, but I remembered that I was bullied just because of a tiny mole to the right of my nose (try to squint when you look at the above picture). Of course that is just an excuse the other kids made when they bullied me. The real reason was because I was, back then, an easy target. I was the weaker one, the one that was outside of the social circle.

I should mention here that there was no physical bullying at all, despite my skinny, scrawny physique. I was verbally harassed and socially ostracized. Yet these hurts far deeper than any punches or kicks. For a social creature like a human, nothing is worse than being alone.

How are you during these times?

As mentioned before, I was a weakling; naive, straight, stupid, introverted, neurotic. I dreaded every moment I was in school. Even a child can experience depression. I suffered chronic loneliness, always feeling helpless and not wanting to live another day any more to suffer through the same harassment from these people I called 'friends'.

Academically, there was not much effects. I scored pretty high on all subjects. However, remember that this was just primary school, and my results were compared to students of...lower standards.

So what did you do?

I did nothing. Education is compulsory, so I still went to school everyday. There are periods where I intentionally skipped schooldays, but these are few and far between, and thus inconsequential. Being insecure, I did not do anything about being bullied. Just followed what they demanded, it will go away soon. What's the worse that can happen?

I did not seek help at all. I honestly cannot remember having someone I can call a best friend during this time. Not much friends to begin with, anyway. Always the lonely one in the class. The teachers suspect nothing, nor do I told them anything. Family? I did not know why I did not just told them about it. Asian stoic culture? Not wanting to make a big fuss? Thinking it was just a small problem? Even to this day I still do not know why.

How much does these affect you as a person?

 I became insecure. Such events can never be good for a child's psyche. I started to think that the whole world was against me, always finding ways to take advantage of this weak-willed kid. It did not help that this kid did not have the perfect family growing up either, but that is another unrelated story.

Now here's a funny thing about being a bully victim: you are more likely to become a bully yourself, which was what happened to me. I was a worst bully, too. Occasionally I just punched some kids younger than me, without any reason at all. I guess the psychologists were right, after all.

So what happened afterwards?

I think it started at the end of my primary education, which would be Standard Six. I finished my primary education with flying colors - 5A's for my UPSR. I did not know how I somehow gained some confidence, but the point is, I did. I entered secondary school with a new zeal for life. I started to socialize, making friends and generally being a better person.

There were still traces of my past experiences. I am still a neurotic and introverted, although I have grown by leaps and bounds in that aspect. I started to trust others, as others started to trust me. I have pretty much put all of those away, seeing it as a valuable life lesson. My life, at that point, can only get better, and it does.

Do you have any advice for a bully victim?

First of all, no matter what you may think, you are not alone. There are always someone who are ready to lend an ear or two. Do not be afraid to reach them. Do not make the same mistake as I did.

Secondly, do not be afraid. Those kids that picked on you? They were only compensating for their own insecurities. They need to feel a sense of power, and they show it by being dominating. By dominating you. Do not give in to what they wanted, because that will only encourage them to continue what they are doing.

Finally, I can tell you the most important thing: it gets better. No matter what you have been through, you are much stronger than you thought. Things that you are currently going through are what makes you stronger for the future. Do not be overcome by all the hardships that befalls you. Seek help and guidance, you need all the help you can get.

Trust me.

MUHAMMAD NURUDDIN BIN WAN MOHD GHAZALLI   A132131

What students think about bully??

Hi, there,.

Bullying is not cool, right??

Since that, let's we survey what students think about bully,.

Check it out!!

NAME : NOORHAZWANI BINTI DAUD                                            ( SECRETARY, SECRETARIAT OF STUDENTS GUIDANCE, UKM)

FACULTY : SOCIAL SCIENCES AND HUMANITIES

• It's an uncivilized and unethical action.
• Bullying can restrict the human rights for freedom.
• It's should not happen simply because it's threatening ang dangerous to others.
• It's also a negative action. Nobody should avoids his or herself since we are gifted with a brain, which can be used to compare between the bad deeds and the good one.
• Everybody must alert to this issues. The most important thing is protect yourself from being bullied.

NAME : NURUL QOLBI BINTI MOHD NGALIM

(STUDENT FROM DEPARTMENT OF ARABIC STUDIES & ISLAMIC CIVILAZATIONS)

FACULTY : ISLAMIC STUDIES, UKM

·         it is not good and not healthy for the community

·         it is can occur in the public and hidden spaces

·         it also can create a social gap gradually between the victims (one who’s been bullied) and predators (bullies).

NAME : SHAHRUL SHAFIQUE

POSITION : SECOND YEARS STUDENT OF POLICE VOLUNTEERS, UKM

• Bully can be define as a bad activity.
• It's can cause fear and trauma till the victim of bully can't trust his or herself. It's reducing the self-esteem of the bullied one.
• Everybody should be a brave person and against the bullies.

NAME : KHAIRUL HIDAYAT BIN TASLIM

(STUDENT, DEPARTMENT OF THE ORIGIN OF RELIGIONS AND PHILOSOPHIES)

FACULTY : ISLAMIC STUDIES.

• It's became a trend in a hostel's life.
• It's also became a 'nightmare' for the new-intake students since bully is too synonym with the boarding school.
• Usually, the seniors play their roles as the bullies.
• Motive of the bullies are nothing. They just want the juniors respecting them in the negative sort of lesson.
• In some cases, it's become worst when it's became a sexual abuse.
• However, bullying can be a positive action, and sometimes, it's a necessary, (e.g: military communities)
• In this cases, bulliying is needed to build the physically and mentally endurances.
• No matter what, bullying should be eliminated in order to create a better life.

HOW ABOUT YOU??

HOW DO YOU DEFINE ABOUT BULLYING??

THE ANSWER IS UP TO YOU..

Reported By: Nurul Shafini Binti Shafurdin.

Nitpicking = bullying?

So you just finished a 300-words essay. You checked and double-checked for any errors and your references are sound. You showed it to someone or made it public. In an instant, there will be something like this:

This writer may or may not made up this picture for example purpose.

Of course, that is to be expected. With the anonymity of the Internet, people are free to voice their 'opinion', sometimes for their own amusement. You, as the writer, should just ignore them. However, there are also comments like this:

via Cracked.com. This writer did not wrote this.

 That's from a scientific article. The writer has spent dozens, if not hundreds, of hours of fact-checking and editing to come up with a solid, readable article, yet at least one person will come up and comment on every single thing that the writer got it wrong, just to feel all 'high-and-mighty' and to show he is smarter than the writer. That is nitpicking.

Not this one, silly. The OTHER nitpicking.

Nitpicking is defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary as "minute and usually unjustified criticism", as seen above. It is usually done by someone who may or may not be more academically educated than the writer, and it can make the writer feels stupid and insecure. Thus, nitpicking, in this context, is for intents and purposes, bullying.


Nitpicking, or sometimes also called educational bullying, is not confined totally to the abyss that is the Internet. Take the example of a student who laboriously made a paperwork, all by himself, and pass it up to his lecturer. The lecturer, being a lecturer, proceeds to point out every single mistakes the student made, reducing the student to tears. The student feels bullied.


Take note that it is not the lecturer's intention at all to make the student feels that way. He is, first and foremost, doing his job to criticise and point out the mistakes of his students. Yet, being a form of non-malign bullying, he unintentionally bullied the student. The student was defenseless; desperation overtook him, leading to tears.


This writer does not mean that nitpicking is totally bad, per se. Mistakes are mistakes, and it should be corrected. What this writer cannot agree about is it's method - the delivery, if you will. The lecturer only wanted to do his job, which is correcting his students. But how about those that intended to nitpick? Why do they do so?

According to psychologist Alfred Adler, it is due to superiority complex (Adler, 1938). Specifically, the nitpicker has the desire to show that he is superior to the writer in terms of knowledge, and he shows this by nitpicking. By doing so, he reinforce the belief that, "Hey, I just showed that your writings are full of holes and that makes you an idiot and I AM SO SMART LOOK AT ME".


So what can we do about it?


The best solution is: nothing.


The utmost desire of a nitpicker is attention. He derives it from the misery of the writer, just like a bully. By giving him what he wants, he will not stop and continue his nitpicking ways. So, even though he, like the one in the second picture, seems to be smarter than the I-insult-your-mother commenter in the first picture, they are the same, actually. Nothing.


By: MUHAMMAD NURUDDIN BIN WAN MOHD GHAZALLI A132131


References: Adler, A. (1964). Superiority and Social Interest: A Collection of Later Writings. H. L. Ansbacher and R. R. Ansbacher (Eds.). Evanston, IL: Northwestern University Press.

Bullying Preventing

Hi readers,. Good Evening to all of you,.

Did you know that everybody can prevent the bully behaviour individually??

Oh, ya,. Absolutely, we can!

But how??

Let's check it out..



Self-guide to prevent bullying:

1- Learning Friendship Skills

•Know how to choose a friend rightly.

•It’s so important since behavioral observation is a major cause of someone behavior, (Kassin, 1997)

2- Learning assertive skills

•Learn to speak and acting in a confident and forceful way.

•Try to improve self-confidence .

3- Exploring ways to deal with bullies

—Get some knowledge how to deal with any probabilities.

—Book an appointment with a counsellor.

4- Improve the anger management skills.

—Anger is a natural basic human emotion that is often used to express negative feeling.

—Learn how to cope with anger

—Learn how to be more patient.

—Learn how to deal with a stressful situation.

5- Protect yourself.

—Beware and concern about your secure.

—Follow a martial art class.

—Never be alone.

—Improve your social relation skill.

Who said we can't prevent bullying?? Love yourself,.

Together we prevent it!

posted by: Nurul Shafini Binti Shafurdin (Fini Pelangi)

Strategies to Stop Bullying

The power of peer intervention:

•  Bullying usually involves more than the bully and the victim – 85% of bullying episodes occur in the context of a peer group.
• Children helping other children is a powerful experience which can build self-esteem and resilience.
• Children dislike bullying in their schools and want to help stop it.
• Children and adolescents are not aware that they may feed the problem by not intervening.
• Peers need to be taught how to intervene.
• Teachers and parents are relatively unaware of bullying episodes – bullying is an underground activity, hidden from adults.
• Teaching children different and effective strategies to achieve social approval from their peers may reduce aggressive behaviour.
• A bully's triumph over the victim is the reward, and a lack of negative consequences may increase the likelihood of other children being aggressive.

Peer Intervention by Adolescents: Why it Works

• They are struggling with their own hurts.
• They are acting as primary supports for their peers.
• They are responsible for other children in their communities as baby-sitters, coaches and leaders of youth groups.
• They are making major life decisions about who they are and the quality of their relationships.
• They are capable of breaking the cycle of violence.
• They are preparing to become the parents of the next generation.

What can children and youth do now:

• Find your friends and make sure that none of you is either bully or victim. If you don't have a lot of friends, try joining a school club and become part of a group that way.
• Stop teasing or otherwise participating in bullying behaviour.
• Stand up for the child who may be different and find a new friend.
• Report bullying to an adult when you see it.
• Speak up to a teacher or other adult you trust if you are being bullied. Expect that adult to help you.
• Stay safe. Avoid isolated parts of the school.
• If you are being bullied, try to ignore it. The bully wants a reaction. If you don't react, the bully is more likely to lose interest.

What can adults do?

• Younger children, in kindergarten through Grade 4, look to adults for protection from bullying. By Grade 6, they think bullying cannot be stopped. By Grade 8, children are beginning to understand the personal dynamics of bullying and have a more sophisticated view of anti -social behaviour perceiving it as a symptom of a child's troubled environment.
• To influence children's behaviour it is important to develop understanding within the context of strategies children can use to solve the problem.

What works?

• The best intervention is one which addresses the social context in which bullying occurs – the culture of the school. It must be a collaborative effort of teachers, parents and students.
• The first step in such an effort is a school policy with clearly stated rules against bullying. Classroom discussions are also essential as they serve to sensitize children to the problem, help them to identify the consequences for bullying and in coming up with ways to help the victims. Also necessary is increased adult active supervision of playgrounds.
• Expose bullying – name it – provide a way for your children to understand what is happening when they witness or experience bullying.
• Raise awareness – reduce victim isolation and increase the likelihood of reporting.
• Speak in the language of young people.

To check out:
Bully B'Ware Productions
http://www.bullybeware.com/
Another web site to see: http://www.bullying.org/
Totally devoted to bully prevention, this website is out of British Columbia and takes a look at the impact of bullying as well as providing tips and strategies on how to deal with bullies.


Adapted from, "Bullying" in Addressing Barriers to Learning, (Vol. 6: #4), Fall, 2001. The Newsletter of UCLA’s Center for Mental Health in Schools. (http:smhp.psych.ucla.edu/news.htm).


POSTED BY : KONG CHEAH SHIEN

Bullying in media - reporting, or fear-mongering?

Somewhere, in a generic school, a generic student is being bullied by the generic school bullies. They throw their generic punches and the kid gives them his generic lunch money. His generic parents then throw a hissy fit and demand justice. It is your typical situation, happening in schools all over the world, all the time.

The next morning, the newspaper said something like "BULLIES ARE THE DEVIL AND THEY SHOULD BE BURNED". Of course, sales rose.

Sounds familiar?

Where's the line?

Obviously, the media have a responsibility to report the news. You cannot just ignore the case of bullying, after all. By shedding the light into the situation, it creates awareness and prompt actions from authorities, knee-jerk it may be, but actions nonetheless.

But there are differences between responsible reporting and exploiting the base emotions of people to sell your paper.

From BBC News

It's a very common media tactic: by painting the bullies as a 'menace', they basically do the thinking for the readers. It panders to the base human instinct to label the society around them as a world of 'us' vs. 'them'.

While we can never deny that bullying is bad, how the media shows it seems that it will be the end of the society as we know it. Always shine the light on the surface of the problem, ignoring the inner body nor the shadow it cast.

Rights of victims

It is even worse when, in a bid to sensationalise the story, the media impinge on the victim's right to privacy. Private affairs, for example the victim's sexual orientation, should be left alone. By doing this, the media reinforces the idea that the victim was being bullied for not being 'normal', planting fear into other children who would believe that they should not show their differences and diversities, but hide it because the paper suggests that "I'll get bullied if I do so".

From Daily Mail

This is not helping at all. Kids are getting increasingly afraid to seek help, fearing that they will be the next target. Family of the victim not only have to deal with the victim's being bullied, but also have to carry the burden of being associated with the victim's 'shortcomings'. Of course, the one who have it worse is the victim: forever branded with the 'curse' of being 'different'.

So what should the media do?

What the media should do is to report the news objectively: provide facts, and not viewing it through only one perspective. It is not always black and white. It should tell why such things can happen and what should be done, rather than just printing hot air.. No need to reveal the skeletons in the closet for all to see. It's bad enough that they are bullied physically.

BY MUHAMMAD NURUDDIN B. W. M. GHAZALLI

Source: 1. 2006. School bully complains 'rising'. (online) http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/5293008.stm (18 March 2011)
           2. 2010. Probe into suicide of 13-year-old boy bullied by classmates for being gay. (online) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1340769/Probe-suicide-13-year-old-boy-bullied-classmates-gay.html (18 March 2011)

The Bobo Doll Experiment by Albert Bandura

WHY DID BANDURA DECIDED TO DO THE EXPERIMENT??


There are many concerns about the effect of social influences on the development and growth of a child’s personality and morality.


Television, computer games, food additives, music and the lack of role models are all cited as reasons for a supposed breakdown in society, and an increased tendency towards violence.


These concerns have existed for many years, even before the media turned these factors into sensationalist stories, to try and sell more newspapers. During the 1960’s, there was a lot of concern and debate about whether a child’s development was down to genetics, environmental factors or social learning from others around them.


For this purpose, Albert Bandura designed the Bobo Doll Experiment to try and prove that children would copy an adult role model’s behavior. He wanted to show, by using aggressive and non-aggressive actors, that a child would tend to imitate and learn from the behavior of a trusted adult.


The Bobo doll is an inflatable toy about five feet tall, designed to spring back upright when knocked over.


Children were chosen as subjects for the study, because they have less social conditioning; they have also had less instruction and teaching of the rules of society than adult subjects.

RESULTS??

The results for the Bobo Doll Experiment showed that children who were exposed to the aggressive model were more likely to show imitative aggressive behavior themselves. 


Meanwhile, boys were nearly three times more likely to replicate physically violent behavior than girls.



The measurements for verbally aggressive behavior again showed that children exposed to aggressive role models were more likely to imitate this behavior. The levels of verbal aggression expressed were about the same for boys and girls.


Subjects in the Bobo Doll Experiment exposed to the non-aggressive model, or no model at all, showed little imitative aggressive behavior. This finding proved that children exposed to a passive role model shows less imitative aggression.





POSTED BY DANIELLA MOKHTAR

THE EFFECTS OF BULLYING

The Effect on the Victim: Students who are the victims of bullying suffer behavioral consequences, 
including: 
• Loss of an interest in schoolwork.
• Reluctance to attend school; poor attendance.
• Lower grades.
• Limited social contact with peers.
• Mood swings, especially toward depression, irritability, unhappiness, outbursts of anger.
• Report headaches, stomach pains (frequently in the morning before leaving for school), poor
appetite, loss of sleep.
• Visible cuts, scratches, bruises.
• Loss of personal property because of theft or extortion.


The Effect on the Bully: Students who bully others also suffer behavioral consequences, including: 
• Lower grades.
• Anti-social behaviors, including use of drugs, alcohol and tobacco, and engaging in vandalism.
• Be truant from school.
• Drop out of school.
• Oppositional behavior and defiance directed at adults, including adult authority figures.
• More likely to be convicted of criminal behavior in a court of law.


The Effect on the Bystander / Witness: Students who witness bullying may also suffer behavioral 
consequences, including: 
• Feelings of anger and helplessness for not knowing what to do.
• Nightmares about being the next target.
• Guilt for not taking action.
• Fear of certain areas in school.

Compiled by UNICEF Malaysia Communications, 2007

by CHIA YONG SIANG A116757

Fighting the bullies with education and skills

Memories of school days are often happy, sometimes bittersweet. However, for those who have had to endure the traumatic experience of bullying, school days are a memory much rather forgotten.

Anyone who has been bullied or even teased mildly in school will empathise with Suresh and Mohammad. Both are fourteen-year old students from a school in a middle-class neighbourhood in the Klang Valley, and part of Malaysia’s school bullying statistics.

 

While many may perceive bullying as a problem confined to schools in low income and insalubrious parts of the country, Suresh and Mohammad’s painful experiences reveal otherwise. Taking subtle forms such as teasing and name calling to more aggressive and violent acts, including extortion, bullying has pervaded the lives of both the rich and poor. At best, bullying results in children with low self esteem and problems of school absenteeism, at worst it can cause disability and the loss of young lives.

According to child psychologists and education officials, school violence appears to be increasing in the country, causing great concern to parents, teachers and policy makers. Its harmful impact however is most felt by children themselves.

Emotional and physical scars

Bullying hurts not because of the bruises and cuts, but because of the emotional impact. Being punched, kicked, beaten or hit can cause physical harm. Teasing and exclusion however can cause emotional scars that may never go away. And watching others being bullied can be just as frightening. The result is that some children live out their school lives feeling lonely, rejected and fearful without any sense that things can change for them.

Suresh, who is artistic, soft spoken and articulate, has never fully understood why he is being bullied.  All he knows is that everything about him seems to irk his aggressors. He suspects it may have something to do with him being different from other boys in his school. But he is not exactly sure.

“I am not a sports fan. I prefer to read, draw and play chess. The boys think I’m girlish, because I don’t like to do the things they do. I also have more girl friends,” he recounts. Bullying, he says, is a big part of his life, beginning when he was in primary school, and escalating when he entered secondary school. 

The examplary student with good grades however has bravely stood up for himself on a number of occasions, and these days he tries to ignore the taunts. He confides though to feeling sad about his situation.

Casting shadows on young lives

Research suggests that single minor episodes of bullying do not necessarily have lasting effects, while frequent and severe episodes can cause a shadow well into a young person’s future. Feelings of unfairness and injustice and fears stay with many of the child victims long after the events that caused them.

Like Suresh, Mohammad too has faced his share of taunts and name-calling. It was when he was 12 years old that the bullying got more serious and he was forced to give money to his bullies. “I felt afraid of going to school and even now I still feel scared. Even though the bullying has stopped (for now) I don’t know why I was picked on.”

Consistently emerging from research as significant risk factors for school bullying are poor academic grades, absenteeism, truancy and unstructured free time. In addition, many of the factors identified in research about other aspects of life are also likely to be relevant to violence in schools – for example, violence at home, risk-taking, weak social ties, anti-social peers, poor parent–child relationships, as well as drug and substance abuse.

Invaluable role of schools

In partnership with the HELP University College and the Ministry of Education, UNICEF is piloting the School Bullying Prevention Program with the aim of increasing school safety. Into its sixth month at three schools in the Klang Valley, the program will introduce school policies and activities to respond and prevent bullying as well as teach children life skills so that they are more confident to deal with aggression.

UNICEF believes that schools have an invaluable role to play in helping children build their confidence and feelings of well-being to reduce their likelihood of being victimised by bullies. While a loving and supportive family life is critical to building a child’s resilience, schools can compensate where families and communities fail.

The turning point for Suresh was when he bought a book on bullying when he was twelve years old. The lessons he learnt were further complemented by the School Bullying Prevention Program where he was taught to be more resilient, and to understand his bullies better. Even Mohammad found the sessions enlightening. The sessions are conducted by school counsellor Puan Jamilah and other teachers involved in the project, and they have been rather creative in drawing out the students’ deep-rooted feelings towards their bullies.

Standing up to bullying

“We are asked to draw our bullies, we are asked questions about our problems, and we even have dialogues,” Mohammad says.

“We are also taught how to prevent ourselves from being bullied again,” Suresh interjects. “And that if we do get bullied, we must tell someone else.” The two boys find that they are more trusting of people, though they place most of their trust only with their best friends. They have also learned one important lesson: that it is not about them, but the insecurities of those who malign and try to hurt them. That lesson has been especially empowering for the two boys.

Puan Jamilah nods. “The sessions have helped us find out who is being bullied or is a bully, and so far so good. We hope that this will be extended to the other forms, because bullying does happen to other students. It’s only been six months, but I have confidence that the program will benefit the school in the long-run.”

When asked if the boys would like the program to continue, they nod. “We know a number of kids who are being bullied, and this program will help them greatly,” the boys say.

Names have been changed to protect the identities of those portrayed in the story.

Dina Zaman and Indra Nadchatram, UNICEF Malaysia

by CHIA YONG SIANG A116757

The Bullying Statistic

The Bullying Statistic Date: 10 April 2008 A study on bullying by the University of British Columbia, based on 490 students (half female, half male) in Grades 8-10 in a B.C. city in the winter of 1999, showed: » 64 per cent of kids had been bullied at school. » 12 per cent were bullied regularly (once or more a week). » 13 per cent bullied other students regularly (once or more a week). » 72 per cent observed bullying at school at least once in a while. » 40 per cent tried to intervene. » 64 per cent considered bullying a normal part of school life. » 61-80 per cent said bullies are often popular and enjoy high status among their peers. » 25-33 per cent said bullying is sometimes OK and/or that it is OK to pick on losers. » 20-50 per cent said bullying can be a good thing (makes people tougher, is a good way to solve problems, etc.). by CHIA YONG SIANG A116757 Source: Centre For Youth Social Development, UBC Faculty of Education

Values That Contribute to Bullying Behavior

"In Mary Romeo's high school health class, the subject is 'fun things kids can do during their weekends.' Romeo mentions movies, music, theaters, trips to New York. One jock holds up a hand to interrupt her, 'Miss Romeo,' he says, ‘we might as well end this discussion because over the weekend we get drunk, we have as much sex as we can have, and on Monday we come back to school. That’s what we do’”.

Many adults ask, “What has happened to our children’s values?” The answer we have heard from many youths is, “If you want something different, model something different. We learn from you.”

One wise adolescent girl told us, “Adults are always worrying about the values of young people today. If they are really worried about our values, maybe they should try putting elders in our living rooms instead of TV sets. We are learning the values we’re being taught. Our elders today are television sets. One of the biggest problems facing youth today is abandonment. Nobody’s there.”

We recently saw a bumper sticker that relates well to this youth’s concern: “Television: Thief of Time, Thief of Mind.” Many studies have indicated that television violence contributes to youth violence, particularly if the youth liked the violence they were viewing.

“In effect a child begins to ‘store’ the idea of particularly aggressive actions alongside memories of familiar situations that are frustrating. Psychologists call stored patterns ‘algorithms.’… The algorithms for aggression in young children are formed because of the repeated exposure they get to powerful role models who show them how to change things their way through the use of violence”.

Yet the problem of aggression in children can’t be linked solely to television, video games or violent lyrics in music. The problem exists when television is the most compelling role model in the child’s life and/or the actions of caregivers in the child’s life support aggressive behaviour and intolerance.

Children who lack consistent models at home frequently search for them in their extended families or in the broader community: a teacher, policeman, spiritual leader. Many of the bullies we have treated lacked these important mentors. They will find them instead in rock stars, gang leaders, cult leaders or Hollywood antiheroes. The unhealthy role models have increasing influence on the lives of our young people.

Many children today come home to an empty house and spend many hours alone in front of a TV set waiting for an adult caretaker to arrive on the scene. Often the first greeting they receive is criticism for not doing their chores or homework. They are told to be accountable for their behaviour, yet many spend hours listening to their adult caretakers blame each other for what is or isn’t done or maybe for their children’s behaviour. They teach the importance of community, equality and tolerance, but can be overheard gossiping about a neighbour or talking about “bitches” or “queers.” They may be taught the importance of family, yet their family may not eat one meal together all week.

Rather than learning values that support connectedness, interconnectedness and conflict resolution, many children learn values that support aggression, disrespect and “everyone for themselves.” The long road to psychological birth takes eight years. Children take from the outside and bring to the inside teachings about self, people and life. Many wise elders have said, “Before you take an action in your life, turn around. When you take the time to look before you act, you will see the children following you.”

We have heard adult caregivers cautioning their children, “You can’t let yourself be stepped on. You’ve got to fight back. Look out for number one. No one else will.” Many parents discipline their children for fighting with siblings, lecture them against hitting, and yet encourage them to hit a classmate that has bullied them. Another parent might tell a child to care for others and share, and yet cut in front of everyone in the grocery line. The message that is taught is the one that is seen, the example that is set, not the one that is heard.

            Many youths have told us that the values they are learning in their families and communities are often ones that lead to competition and aggression rather than connection and cooperation. The following are some convictions that can lead to competition, bullying and aggression, rather than connection and cooperation. Check your own way of life against this list and consider the actions of society at large:

1.      I need it right now. Gratification has to happen immediately.

2.      Might is right.

3.      Don’t get involved.

4.      It’s important to beat out the other guy before he gets ahead of you.

5.      Get ahead any way you can.

6.      Women are objects.

7.      Men don’t feel.

8.      My beliefs are right and yours are wrong.

9.      Aggression is the appropriate way to handle disagreement.

10.  Money and objects are more important than relationships.

11.  Good guys finish last.

12.  You’re not accountable unless you get caught.

13.  Money is power. You can get anything you want or solve any problem with enough money.

14.  Talk about people, not to people.

15.  Blame others for your problems.

16.  I can only heard if I talk louder, or show you who’s boss.

17.  Childhood is overrated. Grow up fast so that I can get on with my life.

18.  Look out for number one.

19.  Those are your kids, not my kids.

20.  Your problems are none of my concern.

Adapted from Jane Middelton-Moz and Mary Lee Zawadski, 2002, "The Making of a Bully: Their Own Stories" eds., From the Playground to the Boardroom (Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communication, Inc), pp. 79-82. 


POSTED BY : KONG CHEAH SHIEN